My best friend is 29 years old this year. We have been friends for seven or eight years now, and is the friend I hung out with since I first came to Beijing. A few days ago she told me that she is finally living comfortably after all these years, and starting from 25 years old and onwards she will not allow herself to fall in love with poor people.
I said that what you said makes it sound like the poor are guilty. She said, that’s right, the poor are guilty. Then she looked at the sky and said, “Don’t you think that in today’s society, it’s hard for young people to be poor? You really only need to learn a little something, use some brain, put a little bit of energy into life, then it’s enough to feed yourself. In this era, if someone still insists to be poor then it is definitely not a question of simply being poor. It must be some flaw and problem with his personality or character that lead him to be poor. Do not underestimate the poor, do not easily pull out your Immaculate Heart of Mary to love all things. I repeat, in this day and age, a poor person indicates that there is a big problem with their self.”
“Especially men, poverty determines that this person has no sense of responsibility, and no connections. In other words, having no connections means they don’t know how to look at people, or how to make friends. I know you are going to bring up class with me, to say that a person must also have some kind of ability, so they can ascend to a higher level. But even if the person roasting sweet potatoes at the front door is particularly good, and gets along well with people, he can at least find a few friends who are willing to help him. This is a question of one’s emotional intelligence. Having no friends willing to help him, first, indicates a low EQ; second, there is something wrong with his character; third, normally people are social, and it’s normal to not have a partner, but if he doesn’t even have one friend, then there is no need to argue with me, that there is something wrong with this person.”
I suddenly remembered the time we were in our early twenties, where the partners everyone found were poorer than the next. At that time we thought we were so glittering and pure, loving one’s character through appearance, and loving one’s soul through life. Looking back now, the majority are divorced, and those who are still together, are mostly not living how they wish to. Because the man they married, that is, the man they fell in love with at the time, is not only poor, but has no desire to make progress.
Around me I have seen many bloody cases, and with the risk of being scolded by speaking the truth, I think those girls running off to get married out of love, should not find someone too poor and lacking motivation. Except under these few circumstances: you also do not have any pursuit of quality of life, you have a lot of money, or your father is wealthy, he is so handsome that you can stare at him and not eat for three days, or they have irreplaceable talent. Being poor is nothing to be afraid of, but a man with no motivation is really scary.
Because no matter how much you love each other, you still need money to buy rice. Once you get married, no matter how eager, from late pregnancy, to childbirth, confinement for one month after giving birth, and until children are 3 years old, you basically can not go out to work. Furthermore, kid’s things are very expensive nowadays, and if you want them to live a little better, it would be even more expensive. Private kindergartens in Beijing are said to cost thirty thousand a month. Of course, it’s not to say that one must send their children to a private kindergarten, they just hope to give their children a better childhood.
Even to this day I still do not dare to have children, because I feel that I still can’t be responsible for a child’s life, and I am uncertain whether I would be a good mother. Also, I’m selfish. I do not want to give up my leisure time to care for a child. If you also have no children, there is no need to worry. I have a lot of friends of about forty years old who gave birth to children that are still healthy and lovable. (That’s right, ha ha ha ha, we have found a suitable reason to play a few years more.)
The majority of poor men that I know are lazy, extremely lazy. This laziness is not only reflected in how much money they make, they are just as lazy at home. So if you choose a poor man, then congratulations, the chances that you got yourself a husband who does absolutely no housework are much higher than everyone else.
Moreover, they are very sensitive. If you show any longing for a house and car, they will quickly judge you as a “vain woman”. And will interrogate you saying, “How did I not see what kind of person you are. If you love money so much then why did you come to me. You go see who has money and find them.”
Of course it’s because I love you that I came to you. Why else?
But a lot of the time, from the first utterance of I love you, the love that grows more and more from spending time together, cannot surpass the daily necessities in life. You make me a little sad.
I have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend of seven years. The reason was that “When we went to have a fancy meal to celebrate my birthday, after dinner, he naturally got accustomed to waiting for me to pay. I was really hurt. He said, you were the one who wanted to eat a 500 per person meal. When I suggested to pay for a 200 per person meal, you didn’t agree.”
I said that this is actually not a particularly big issue. She shook her head saying, “At that time, I envisioned that when we had children and I wanted to go to a private hospital, he would coldly stand by watching me pay, on the grounds that I did not agree with him who said to go to the public hospital. I saw that to send our child to a better school, I would be the one who had to pay, because he had recommended our child attend an ordinary school. I saw in our life, whenever I wanted a little better, it would always depend on me, while he coldly stood by, because I told you that we can do with something a little short, but you are not willing. My pursuit of a little better life, my pursuit of a little better life for us, has completely become my own individual matter. And nothing to do with him at all.”
With a deep sigh of emotion, I want to tell the men who never put in the hard work in life, yet keep on proclaiming to love you: No girl leaves you because of vanity and love of money, if they were out for your money, they would never have been with you to begin with. What I fear most is when I am busy making efforts in life, you coldly stand on the side looking on unconcerned, as if the future was my own personal matter. This not only offends “love”, but also the word “us”.